Friday, 9 November 2012

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Spreading awareness about ASD

I really want to spread awareness I do not think their is enough info from people with Aspergers about what it is really like to live with it. People would be way more understanding of people affected by it if they new what we have to go through.

Removing Aspergers from the DSM

I think it is a big mistake to get rid of the Aspergers DX because without it in their most of us will not get a proper DX and will not get the services or support we deserve. I would have been DXed as PDD-NOS which is what they were wanting to push on me but for one nero doc that said it was Aspergers. I would not have liked to have to live my life with a DX of not otherwise specific. That is not a good DX to have in my opinion. I am much happier with the Aspergers DX.

for more info please join

and please sign the petition at

Monday, 5 November 2012

A little bit about me

Hi my name is Jeremy Tolmie I am 31 years old and have Aspergers Syndrome OCD, SPD, PTSD, ADHD, Dispraxia, Depression, Social phobia, Panic disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and psychotic episodes with psychosis. 

I am a certified computer technician having graduated from Academy of Learning with my Computer Service Technician Diploma with honers. 

I work for Literacy Central Vancouver Island as a computer technician. I refurbish donated computers that go to families with kids on welfare. 

I love computers, hockey, star trek, video games, alternative music, crime tv shows, most movies except romantic comedies, lord of the rings, harry potter, most fantasy and sifi books movies and games, Netflix, apple products, reading, writing and blogging, Facebook, cartoons, comics, and so much more.

I run two blogs and have published a book on what it has been like for me growing up with Aspergers Syndrome and not knowing it till I was 17.

my blogs are at

I also run a group at

My book can be purchased at

I am always up to making new friends on FB and getting new followers for my blogs. I am also always up to talking to people about what it has been like for me. Or about anything that they want to talk about. I am way more social on FB then I am in person that is why I love FB and am glad that it is around so that I can feel good about being social and giving me the time I need to make conversations.

That is a bit about me and I hope to chat to you all more in the future.

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Sleep and ASD

starting at 2.5 yo of age I had a 8pm bedtime and I would get my fairy tales told to me at that time and then go to bed. I always got up at 5am to watch TV though. I would wake up much earlier than when I finally would get up. I did not want to wake my parents up which were just across the hall from me. I had a mid day nap though through pre-school and kindergarden. I did not actually nap during 
that time but I did decompress and used the time to recuperate from all the stimuli. I did not take any meds till I was 16.5 to 17.5 and then not again till I was 28.5. I take 5mg of melatonin to help me sleep. I started that 3 weeks ago and it has helped a lot. I still wake up at 4am but I fall asleep in minuets instead of hours so I feel much more rested in the morning. I get up at 8am where before I would get up at 10am and be really tired.

Abandonment Issues and ASD

my mom had to become a stay at home mom because every time she tried to drop me off at daycare I would start crying and throwing a tantrum till she stopped trying. I daycare people said after a week that they could not handle me because of the crying and tantrums that I would through. she took me to our paediatrician and he said because I had come from foster care and was adopted that I was having
 abandonment issues and that it would not get better any time soon and that she should stay at home with me and be my own daycare provider. so she did till I was 12 and then she went back to work. I did do some pre-school but I just hid under a table and did not partake in anything and would have nothing to do with anyone so she gave up on that after a couple of months and just kept me at home till I was old enough to start kindergarden.

Friday, 19 October 2012

Vision and ASD

SIGHT: I have had more problems with sight then any other except touch. I had a lazy eye when I was a kid and had to have it patched for months to fix it. I have 400/20 vision in my left and 200/20 vision in my right. 

I have no depth perception or spacial awareness of any kind. I can not see any motion of any kind either so mos
t sports are out.

My vision is always blurry even with glasses they are blurry and staticy looking. I have very poor night vision if at all.

I bump into stuff all the time and it hurts. I stub my toes on stuff all the time and they really hurt. I trip over my feet all the time and it hurts and throes me off balance and makes me fall down a lot of the time.

I have a hard time telling what is real and what is not real because my vision is so bad I can not see enough detail to tell for sure.

I see blotches of shapes that fade in and out of my vision that distract me and make it hard to concentrate.

I have a hard time reading because all the words get jumbled together for me and I have to say each one in my head slowly for me to be able to read it properly. I am a slow reader but I do get more out of what i read then some people do.

I can not read stuff when I am moving to and from them the words just go out of focus and can not be read.

I can not read time if it is not in a stable point for the same reason. that is why I wear a watch or that I always have the time close at hand.

I can not see my body if I am in motion. if my arms or legs are in motion I can not see them they are just a blur going by and not distingisble.

I have to look at my feet and try to predict where they are going to land and adjust on the fly for them to land on a flat and stable spot so that I don't fall down.

I have to be careful of ware my hands and arms are at all times so that they do not accidentally hit, smack or otherwise get into trouble that I did not mean for them to get into.

I also have to do the same for my legs and feet because it can happen so fast that their is nothing i can do to stop it once it has begun.

I see 10x more light then their really is so I prefer to do work in a dusky semi dark room with little light and windows with blinds turned tight. right now I am in such a room typing this up for you. no lights on just a little light coming through the blind slits.

I see even less without my glasses but even with them I do not really see much at all.

Touch and ASD

TOUCH: I feel everything at 10x strength. I feel every imperfection in my clothes and it bugs me to no end sometimes.

I can feel every little ting going on in my body. I feel my hart pumping, my chest rising and falling, my lungs filling and emptying of air, my ribs moving up and down, the pain in my ribs with each movement, the p
ain in my chest as this movement happens, the pain in my finger joints trying to type this out, the hart palpitations with working on this blog, the throb of blood running through my body and brain, the throb of the blood in my ear, the pain in both my elbows, the bad pain in my back and neck, the pain in my toe joints and the balls of my feet that ache all the time, the hip pain that is giving me a limp, the bad headache that I always seem to have.

I feel everything that touches my body or that I touch with my body by 10x.

when I shake your hand it hurts me to do it but I do it because it is what is expected of me.

when I knock on a door it also hurts me and I do it for the same reasons.

wearing cloths put me in constant pain that I have just gotten used to and live with it.

I do not like wearing glasses but I can not see at all without them so I put up with them but they hurt me a lot.

I wear shoes so my feet don't get wet but they really hurt me and cause lots of pain for me.

I wear a hat to keep my head dry and my eyes shielded but it itches my head and hurts my head and I would rather not wear it but it is better then the other way.

It hurts me when people touch any part of me I really hate people touching my hair or shoulder it is painful and hurtful and i do not like it.

It hurst me every time i have to make a step but if I do not I will not go anywhere so I trudge through the pain and hurtfulness and take those steps.

blankets touching me can cause me pain and discomfort and so can pillows and sheets.

99% of the pain and hurt I feel is caused by me experiencing way to much felling with touch.

I wish I found not feel anything it would have to be better then what it is for me because I can not last much longer with all the hurt and pain I have to deal with each and every day just to get up out of bed is painful and hurtful for me.


Smell and ASD

Smell: my smell is so good that I can detect the smallest amounts of smell off of people, animals, food, drink ext. I can not stand perfume or cologne because their is too much smell to deal with. I smell things with 10x the smell senses then a NT person does. 

I can smell the mill that is two towns over with its sulphur scented s
moke poring in the air. the higher the concentration of the smell the more chance of rain that we will have in my town.

I can smell the grass from inside my house with all the windows closed. I can smell the trees and flowers the same way. I always keep my windows and doors closed to not have to smell as strongly the outside smells.

I can just walk by someone and know if they are wearing perfume or cologne or even deodorant that day.

some smells I like so I want to smell more of them others I hate and gag if I even start to smell them.

I can smell other peoples cooking from 4 doors down and can tell what they are having for supper.

smell is a funny thing because it does not affect me nearly as much as some of the senses it is a minor inconvenience to me but does not hurt me.

Sound and ASD

This is going to be about the hyper sensitivity of the senses.

Sound: my hearing is so good that I can hear my own hart beat, my own breaths, my head pawning, ear whiling, skin tubing, cloths rubbing, my own swallowing, teeth chattering, everything from my body I can hear in 10x volume. 

I can hear every sound my house makes. the hum of the lights, the buzz of the TV, the hum of the fans, the 
creaks of the wood expanding and contracting, the tick tock of a clock, the grind of a computer hard drive, the fly flying around in the other end of the house. i hear everting in 10x mode. I can hear the buzz a TV makes when it is on but no sound is coming out of it and I can hear it from the other end of the house.

I can hear every car moving from miles around and can detect different engine sounds from each and every one of them. I can hear car doors opening and closing from miles around. I can hear people talking from miles around and sometimes if i concentrate I can make out what they are saying and repeat it back to anyone listening to me.

I can hear every plane flying within miles of me and can pick out the different sounds different plans make or whether it is a helicopter instead. I can hear every ferry that passes by and can tell how fast they are going based on the sound that they make. all of this at 10x volume.

when I go into a crowded space with lots of people talking I can hear every conversation all at once and it just gets overwhelming.

No wonder why I like it alone by myself in a secluded space where their is very few sounds to deal with. NO wonder why I hate eating out or going to the movies or anywhere where their is lots of people. I hear everything at 10x so it is a amazing thing if I can respond to people under theses situations.

This is just me but it may be your kids to that have it just as bad as I do. Keep that in-mind the next time they have a melt down in public. they just have not learned to adapt to the mass amount of information their brains are trying to deal with.

My Phobias and ASD

My phobias sorry it will be a really long list

Acarophobia: fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching.

Acousticophobia: fear of noise or sounds

Acrophobia: fear of acrobats. Just kidding. Really, it's the fear of heights. People who suffer from acrophobia may feel like they are being pulled toward the edge of a high place. This one is on the Phobia List of Top 10 most popular phobias
. Acrophobia comes from the Greek word "acron," meaning height.

Aerophobia: fear of flying. This one is on the Phobia List of Top 10 most popular phobias. Did you notice the serious decline in air travel after the events of 9/11? Aerophobia also means an irrational fear of fresh air or drafts of air. Aerophobia comes from the Greek "aero," which means air or gas. Also referred to as aviatophobia or aviophobia. Sometimes aerophobia is also referred to as being the fear of swallowing air, or airborne substances.

Agliophobia: fear of pain.

Agoraphobia: fear of public places, open areas, or fear of crowds. Also the fear of leaving or travelling too far from a safe place, This one is on the Phobia List of Top 10 most popular phobias. People with agoraphobia feel anxious if they even think about being trapped in a situation where it might be difficult to leave. People with agoraphobia usually avoid the situations which trigger anxiety or panic. Agoraphobia is highly variable in severity. People with mild agoraphobia often live normal lives by avoiding anxiety-provoking situations. But, in the most severe cases, the victims may be incapacitated and never leave their house. If I work in person with someone who has agoraphobia I always make sure they are highly motivated to overcome the fear. . . I don't make housecalls! (That is a joke. . . ) Agoraphobia comes from the Greek "agora," meaning marketplace.

Agraphobia: fear of sexual abuse. Also known as Contreltophobia

Agrizoophobia: fear of wild animals.

Agyrophobia: fear of crossing streets, highways and other thoroughfares; or fear of streets themselves. Agyrophobia comes from the Greek "gyrus" meaning turning or whirling.

Aichmophobia: fear of needles or pointed objects. From the Greek word "aichme," which means point. This fear can be life threatening if it prevents the sufferer from seeking needed medical attention.

Algophobia: fear of pain.

Amaxophobia: fear of riding in a car.

Ambulophobia: fear of walking. If you have this phobia and amaxophobia, you're pretty much not going anywhere.
but I work through it because I can not just go no ware that wold not work.

Amychophobia: fear of scratches or being scratched.

Anablephobia: fear of looking up.

Ancraophobia: fear of wind.

Anemophobia: fear of air drafts or wind.

Anthropophobia: fear of people or society.

Antlophobia: fear of floods. After all of the coverage of the Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina in 2005, I would not be surprised if a lot of people developed this phobia.

Aphenphosmphobia: fear of being touched.

Apiphobia: fear of bees. The word "apiphobia" comes from "api-" from the Greek "apis" meaning bee. Apiphobia is also called melissophobia, since "melissa" is another Greek word for bee.

Aquaphobia: fear of water. People with aquaphobia experience anxiety when in or near oceans, rivers, lakes, creeks or even a bathtub or shower. Boating and swimming are no fun. Forget scuba diving altogether. A rare sub-form known as aquamanophobia is the fear of the DC Comics superhero Aquaman. The word is from the Latin "aqua," which means water.

Arachnophobia: fear of spiders. Arachnophobia is ranked number one on the Phobia List of Top 10 most popular phobias. One medical site suggested that arachnophobia is really "fear of the unknown, since most spiders are harmless." Remember that phobias are, by definition, an irrational fear. We may use logic to justify or validate the fear, but the all the logic in the world will not abate the emotional response. "Arachnophobia" is derived from the Greek "arachne" meaning spider.

Arsonphobia: fear of fire.

Astraphobia: fear of thunderstorms. Interestingly, people with this phobia seem to take great delight in watching the weather channel, or local News stations give constant and sensational coverage of storms. If you feed the fear, it grows bigger! "Astraphobia" is derived from the Greek "aster" meaning star . Related term: Brontophobia, which is the fear of thunder.

Athazagoraphobia: fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting.

Atomosophobia: fear of atomic explosions.

Atychiphobia: fear of failure.

Bathophobia: fear of depths. The feared object may be a long, dark hallway, a well or a deep pool or lake. "Bathophobia" is derived from the Greek "bathos" meaning depth.

Batophobia: fear of heights or being close to high buildings.

Batrachophobia: fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.

Belonephobia: fear of pins and needles. (Aichmophobia)

Blennophobia: fear of slime.

Brontophobia: fear of thunder. "Brontophobia" is derived from the Greek "bronte" which means thunder. This one is on the Phobia List of Top 10 most popular phobias. A related term: Astraphobia, fear of thunderstorms.

Bufonophobia: fear of toads.

Basophobia: fear of walking or falling. Also listed as Basiphobia.

Catapedaphobia: fear of jumping from high and low places.

Catoptrophobia: fear of mirrors.

Ceraunophobia or Keraunophobia: fear of thunder and lightning.(Astraphobia, Astrapophobia)

Chiraptophobia: fear of being touched.

Chrematophobia: fear of money. Sufferers worry that they might mismanage money or that money might really be "the root of all evil." Actually, that's quite a common misunderstanding. The actual quote says the "love of money is the root of all evil." From the Greek "chrimata" which means money. A related term is chromatophobia, which may be related to he Greek word "chroma" (color) because of the brilliant colors of ancient coins--for example, gold, silver, bronze and copper.

Claustrophobia: fear of closed spaces, of being closed in or being shut in, as in elevators, tunnels, or any other confined space. Even sitting in one of the middle seats in a theatre may cause anxiety. This one is on the Phobia List of Top 10 most popular phobias. The word "claustrophobia" is derrived from the Latin "claudere," which means to shut.

Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia: fear of being locked in an enclosed place.

Climacophobia: fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs.

Cleptophobia: fear of stealing.

Clithrophobia or Cleithrophobia: fear of being enclosed.

Cnidophobia: fear of stings.

Coimetrophobia: fear of cemeteries.

Coulrophobia: fear of clowns.

Cryptophobia: fear of things that are hidden. You definitely won't find people with this phobia watching "Tales of the Crypt" or writing in code. "Secret Agent" would not be a good job choice.

Cymophobia or Kymophobia: fear of waves or wave like motions.

Decidophobia: fear of making decisions.

Deipnophobia: fear of dining or dinner conversations.

Demophobia: fear of crowds. The greek word "demo" means "people. This phobia is more commonly called Agoraphobia.

Dentophobia: fear of dentists. Don't confuse this with the neoautodentaphobia which is the fear of getting a dent in your new car. This phobia can be serious because sufferers will often avoid needed medical treatment. Derrived from the Latin word "denti" which means tooth.

Didaskaleinophobia: fear of going to school.

Dinophobia: fear of dizziness or whirlpools.

Diplophobia: fear of double vision.

Dishabiliophobia: fear of undressing in front of someone.

Dromophobia: fear of crossing streets.

Dysmorphophobia: Excessive dislike of a part of ones body. Also known as "bigorexia" when characterized by a person's obsession with an imagined defect in physical appearance. The word "Dysmorphophobia" is from the Greek "dys" plus "morphe," meaning "form."

Dystychiphobia: fear of accidents.

Eisoptrophobia: fear of mirrors, or of seeing oneself in a mirror. Because this fear often is grounded in superstitions, sufferers may worry that breaking a mirror will bring bad luck or that looking into a mirror will put them in contact with a supernatural world inside the glass. "Eisoptrophobia" comes from the Greek "eis," which means into, and "optikos," which means vision, image, or sight.

Electrophobia: fear of electricity.

Eleutherophobia: fear of freedom.

Emetophobia: fear of vomiting. Sufferers are especially worried about vomiting in public and embarrassing themselves. Consequently, they often avoid office meetings, banquets, dances and other social gatherings. The anxiety produced by this phobia can cause a nervous stomach and nausea. This one is on the Phobia List of Top 10 most popular phobias. "Emetophobia" is derived from the Greek word "emetos" which means vomiting.

Enetophobia: fear of pins.

Enochlophobia: fear of crowds.

Entomophobia: fear of insects. To avoid insects, sufferers may frequently clean rooms and carpets, sweep hallways, spray insect-killer or seal off doors and windows. Entophobia (insect phobia) includes acarophobia (mites: scabies) and arachnophobia (fear of spiders). "Entomophobia" is derived from the Greek "entomos" which means insect.

Epistaxiophobia: fear of nosebleeds.

Ergophobia: fear of work. This fear may actually be a combination of fears, such fear of failing at assigned tasks, fear of speaking before groups at work, or fear of socializing with co-workers. "Ergophobia" is derived from the Greek "ergon" which means work.

Erotophobia: fear of sexual love or sexual questions.

Erythrophobia: fear of blushing. Anxiety results from worry about being the focus of attention and the subject of embarrassment. Attempts to suppress blushing often have the opposite effect. Sufferers of erythrophobia tend to avoid social gatherings and workplace projects that require them to interact with, or speak before, groups of co-workers. "Erythrophobia" also can refer to fear of the color red because of what it may symbolize, such as blood. "Erythrophobia" is derived from the Greek "erythros" which means red. This one also shows up on some lists as Ereuthrophobia.

Galeophobia: fear of sharks. People with this phobia can experience intense anxiety if they are on a boat, visiting an aquarium, on a beach, or watching any of the "Jaws" movies. My guess is that the original 1975 movie "Jaws" created a lot of galeophobs and actually caused a decline in the SCUBA diving industry. More recently, the 2004 movie "Open Water" may have also contributed. "Galeophobia" is derived from the Greek words "galeos" meaning a "shark with markings that look like those found on a weasel." I could be mistaken (I'm not an expert on sharks or weasels) but I think I've seen more sharks with markings that do not resemble a weasel. If this wasn't actually in a medical dictionary, I would have thought it came from a Mony Python skit.

Gephyrophobia: fear of crossing bridges. Their fear can be a combination of claustrophobia (fear of close spaces) and acrophobia (the fear of heights). Phobic drivers may worry so much about being in an accident or losing control of their vehicles that they avoid driving or actually create the very accident they are trying to avoid. High bridges over waterways and gorges can be especially intimidating. Very long or narrow bridges can also be particularly problematic. When I was seven years old we drove to Disney World in Florida. Although I did not have a phobia of bridges, I do remember feeling a sense of anxiety while travelling on the bridges that seemed to go for miles over the Everglades. Fear of bridges is a relatively common phobia. "Gephyrophobia" comes from the Greek words "gephyra" which means bridge. Also listed as Gephysrophobia.

Glossophobia: fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak. Could also be the fear of language. The Greek word for language is "glossa."

Haphephobia: fear of being touched. Also listed as Haptephobia.

Harpaxophobia: fear of being robbed.

Heliophobia: fear of the sun.

Helminthphobia: fear of being infested with parasitic worms called helminths. People with helminthphobia worry about trichinosis and other helminth diseases even though proper sanitation and hygeine is practiced. "Helminthphobia" is derived from the Greek "helmins" which means worm.

Hematophobia: fear of blood. People with this very common phobia dread the sight of their own blood, or blood of another person or animal. Sometimes printed or filmed images of blood or even thoughts of blood can cause panic. Blood may remind them of their own vulnerability to injury and of the eventuality of death. "Hematophobia" is derived from the Greek "haima" which means blood. Alternate name for hematophobia: hemophobia.

Herpetophobia: fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.

Hydrophobia: 1. fear of water, to drink or to swim in. 2. A term once commonly used for rabies because in the later stages of that disease, the animal (or person) has difficulty swallowing and so fears a drink of water. From the Greek "hydro" which means water.

Illyngophobia: fear of vertigo or feeling dizzy when looking down.

Neophobia: fear of anything new, of innovation, new situations, places, or things. "Neophobia" comes from the Greek "neos" meaning new.

Phonophobia: fear of sound. From the Greek word "phone" which means voice, or sound. Many children have an apparant fear of loud sounds. Usually it is more of a sensitivity than a fear, but the symptoms can be similar. Some lists also suggest that it is the fear of voices (your own or other's); and fear of telephones. I think there should be a word for fear of telephone bills!

Photophobia: fear of light. This is not a very common phobia. However, the medical community does use the word to refer to an abnormal sensitivity to or intolerance of light, which can be very painful. This is not really a phobia, so, in my opinion, use of this word for light sensitivity is somewhat of a misnomer. The Greek word "phot" which means light.

Sociophobia: fear of embarrassment in social situations; can have debilitating effects on personal and professional relationships. This one is on the Phobia List of Top 10 most popular phobias. Symptoms of social phobia include blushing, sweating, trembling, rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, nausea or other stomach discomfort, lightheadedness, and other symptoms of anxiety. People with this disorder tend to lead difficult and diminished lives. The emotional toll is great. Many people with social phobia have trouble reaching their educational and professional goals or even maintaining employment. In extreme cases, a person may begin to avoid all social situations and become housebound. "Sociophobia" is derived from the Latin "socius" which means companion.

Taphephobia: fear of being buried alive. "Taphephobia" comes from the Greek "taphos" meaning grave.

this is most of the fears and phobias that I have.


I hate having my fair washed, brushed or cut because it hurts me and I am afraid of the water, hair brush, and clippers. 

I shield my eyes from the sun and other bright lights because they hurt my eyes and are painful to look at.

I have selective hearing and difficulty hearing because their is too much sounds going on around me and i can not filter or focus on 
just one or two sounds I hear them all and my Brian tries to focus on them all. which means i may not hear you or have trouble understanding you.

I am a picky eater: I resist new foods and textures. I taste, smell and feel everything that goes in my mouth. It takes me a long time to get used to a certain taste, feel, smell of foods so i do not like to change them because I like to know what i am going to experience when i eat something.

I complain about tags in my clothing because they scratch my back and make it itchy and they hurt me and overwhelm my sense of touch.

I seem to be unaware of normal touch or pain: I often touch others too soft or too hard. I can not tell how hard or soft I am touching someone. a firm hand shake could really hurt the other person. I tend to feel way more pain then normal from myself but I can not tell if i am causing pain to others.

I hate being tickled or cuddled. Tickling overwhelms me and hurt me. cuddling overwhelms me and has to be done in a very slow and intentional way.

I have poor gross motor skills such as running and riding a bike. I do run like a girl even worse then one but I did learn how to ride a bike by the time I was 7 and am ok at riding bikes.

I always walk on my tiptoes. I prefer to walk on my tiptoes but i do not always walk on my tiptoes. it feels more balanced and just feels right to be on my tiptoes.

I have trouble focusing and/or concentrating. It takes me forever to get anything done because I keep loosing focus on it and just pace for a while. I am a procrastinator and perfectionist so i get nothing done ever. this blog and hopefully my book with be the first things that I have ever finished.

I am overly sensitive to loud sounds such as vacuums and blenders. I freak out when the vacuum or blender or popcorn maker is on the sounds from them hurt my ears and make me very nervous.

I am always smelling people food and objects. I smell everything around me before i have anything to do with it. it just helps me to know the smells that I will have to get used to. so that I do not freak out because of a smell that i do not recognize. 

I chew on everything. well I used to chew on everything but it has been a long time since i have done any chewing other then food. I used to like the stimuli in my mouth of chewing and sucking on anything i could get my hands on.

I have poor fine motor skills: such as handwriting and cutting. I handwriting is worse then a doctors and even i can not read it some of the time. I can not read my printing some of the time either. I can not cut to save my life I always end up going in zig zag patterns when I try to cut something I can not cut straight.

I have difficulty dressing myself. well I used to but with being a only child and my mom a stay at home mom we would spend hours taking cloths off and putting them back on. using different outfits and different styles. doing a lot of changing from my pjs to my reg cloths and back again. by the time I was 7 I could dress myself sometimes not too well but I did get better and do a pretty good job these days.

I sit with my legs in a "W" position. I do this all the time because it hurts less then siting cross legged. do not ask me why it hurts less but it does and it provides more stimuli if needed then cross leaded.

I put my socks on just so or maybe i never go barefoot. I have to ware my socks just so or else it drives me made. I can not have my socks droopy it itches my legs when that happens. I have to ware socks if I ware pants because I can not stand the pants touching my ankles because of how much it itches them. I will go bare foot if i am wearing shorts.

I would much rather go naked because then their would be lots less stimuli to deal with. I just would need to get used to the cold. I only were cloths because it is what is expected of me not what I want to do myself.

This is the end of this session but I will go into more detail about some of these areas in a latter date. also I am going to do a lot of talking about each sense and what it is like for me to have them so hyperactive.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Herbal meds and ASD

In February of 2010 I started a herbal drug for allergies called quesertan. My mom thought it would be better then cleiden because it was herbal. It had dire consciences and made this really bad for me. I started helusenating and hearing voices. I started stealing money and goods from home and work. I started acting out and lying to everyone. it went on like this till april. My parents deci
ded to leave me at home for two weeks by myself while they went to palm springs to go golfing. On april 21st of 2010 I was arrested for theft and escorted to the back office where we waited for the polince. they asked me questions and I told them I have autism and that the voices told me to do it which was true to both accounts. the police came and handcuffed me and hulled out of the store into a police car where i was read my rights and what i was charged with and let go. I was in total melt down mode and did not know what to do. my parents were thousands of miles away and I had no one to talk to about what just happened. I got back on the ferry to go home and walked the 3 miles home. when I got home I emailed my parents and told them what had happened and waited. I paced the house, rocked, jumped, moaned and so on. it took what felt like forever but was only a half hour or so before they phoned. I whimpered while I told them what had happened me getting arrested for theft and feeling so out of control. they told me to stay at home they would call one of our friends and get them over their to help me and stay with me and they would take the first flight back home and would deal with what has happened. While I waited for the friend to get their I scratched my arms and dug my nails into my fists. I was really out of control and was having thoughts of hurting myself and or killing myself. When the friend got their I was really wound up and quenching my fists into tight balls with the nails digging into my skin so hard they were starting to bleed. They took one look at me and phoned my parents and said I was in bad shape and they were afraid to be around me. My parents suggested to get me to want to go to the hospital into the psych ward. So they asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and I said yes. So they called 911 and told the operator to send a ambulance and gave the address that they had a young man that wants to go to the hospital and is acting like a danger to himself and others. The police shoed up 10 minutes later and did a search and pat down of me to make sure I was safe to transport. Then the ambulance came and I got in and they took me to the hospital that was in the city so yet another ferry ride but this time in a hospital. I got to the hospital and they made me wait for ever. I had to give them a pee sample so they could do a test on it and find out what I was on that was making me crazy. I told them that I was their for a detox that the drug quesertan was to blame and that I just needed a couple of days to detox and I would be fine. it took 5 hours to get admitted to the psych ward and get a bed so it was after 10 by this time and i just wanted to sleep. they were supposed to give me something for me to sleep and calm down but they never did. I did not get any sleep that night and the next day was pretty rough on me. I got to so a psych doc and he researched it and said it was the quesertan that caused it that it is bad for people with autism or psychotic tendencies. he perscribed a anti-psycotic med Risparedone and Ativan plus omega 3. the ativan is for the panic attacks. the risperidone is for the voices and such. the omega 3 is to help keep the brain connections working properly. I stayed their for 3 days and then my parents got their and talked to the doc and he said if they wanted to they could take me home so they discharged me and I went home. It took 6 months but I was able to get my job back a work I just was not allowed to work with cash. I could just stock the shelves and answer customers questions. I got off with the charge of theft because it was not my fault it was the herbal med that I was on that caused the problem. so all I had to do was pay them back and write a apology letter with a essay on 
how much companies loose in employee theft. So I did that and all is good. but in the end I did end up loosing my job and have not been able to get hired by anyone else as a result of my history.

being laid off and anxiety and ASD

I got laid off of my job on January 2nd and have been unemployed ever since. I volunteer refurbishing computers once a week but that is not the same as working. Ever since then my anxiety has been through the roof and has crippled my life as I know it. I started hallsenating and hearing voices by the summer time and by september I had to start Risperidone a anti-psycotic med to stop all of that. I
t does not help with the anxiety though and it is really bad lately. Plus with all of that going on I just recently found out about the FXS and started my blog and writing my book. I am just getting a little overwhelmed and am not able to get my emotions and anxiety under control. I don;t know if I have ever been ok and will probably never be ok till I get on one of these what seem like miracle drugs that are in clinical studies right now. The things I have read make me feel like their is hope even at my old age of 30 I could get some relief from some of the worst parts of FXS.

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Anxiety and ASD

I have some of the highest rates of anxiety in the world only 1% of the world experiences higher anxiety then me. I get panic attacks on a daily basis and am in a constant anxiety attack. I am so used to my anxiety that most of the time I do not even notice it. I am social phobic, closti phobic (phobic of enclosed spaces), and afraid of stuff happening to me at any given moment that could hurt 
me or kill me. I am afraid to go outside or go anywhere. I am afraid even at home of something happening to me. I hate how much anxiety that I feel and have to go through. I can not seem to get people like my parents or my doctors to understand how much anxiety that I have. they don't want me on meds for it and I really could use some meds for it. I can not stand to feel like this it is crippling my life and I am not able to do basic life functions as a result of how bad it is for me. I am afraid of everything you could possibly imagine happening all the time. Please just make it stop I can not live like this.

Low Muscle Tone and ASD

I have very bad low muscle tone. I can not even use my left arm or hand because of it and my left leg is not much better. Thank god I am right handed because I would be hooped otherwise. I did a test with a kid that has no use of his left arm or hand either and I made him print his name with his good hand and bad hand and then I would do the same. I said that he would be able to print better wi
th his bad hand then I could with my good and I won the bet. I could not print at all with my bad hand. I could not get my hand to move to make a letter let alone print my name. and his bad hand printing was more legible then my good hand. It made him feel really good about him self. He was down on him self saying that his disorder was preventing him from getting a job. I showed him that he was no ware near as bad a I am and I have gotten jobs before. This was in collage in my program for people with disabilities.

Prominent ears and ASD

I had very prominent ears when i was little but my parents had them surgically altered to look normal so that I would not get teased even more badly then I was at school. I really wish they had not bothered to change them I feel robed of my look that i liked. I used to say that I had dumbo ears because when i bounced my ears would flop up and down. i do not think it would have made a difference in school with regards to the teasing and bullying. it was bad enough wareing glasses, being clumsy, acting unusual and the such that having dumbo ears would not have caused any more problems for me then I already had.

Hyper Extensible Joints and ASD

All of my joints are hyper extensible and hyper mobile. all of them are also double jointed. the things I can do with my fingers and toes would amaze you. As a result I can crack all of my joints and they tend to dislocate a lot of the time. I am always in pain in one part of my body or another. My neck, back, ribs, elbows, fingers, knees and toe joints are my most painful and the most often to be cracking and dislocating.

Flat feet and ASD

I have had lots of problems with my feet hurting dew to the flatness of them. I wear orthotics to help with it but they do not do a very good job. I tend to lean back and left all the time. I know this because I have wii fitness and the fitness board and it does balance tests and said that I am not balanced that i lean left and back. I am trying to work on that but the pain in my feet and it affects my knees and hips also so they are always in pain also as a result of me leaning left and back.

Squinting and ASD

I have squinted and tend to turn my eyes to the side and down all of my life that i can remember. I tend to close my eyes when people take my picture with the flash on because the flash hurts my eyes. my eyelids usually are puffy and I get bad itchy eyes that water a lot of the time. I find their is too much light and too much stimuli to keep my eyes open and looking straight. I never turn lights on in the house because I do not need them to see just fine. my vision is connately blurry and staticy all of the time. I have just gotten used to it and it does not bother me all the much any more.

Vision and ASD

I am considered legally blind without my glasses. I had lazy eye when I was little and had to ware a patch for 2 months when I was 3 to fix the lazy eye. I am very far sighted with a 400/20 vision in my left eye and 200/20 in my right eye. It was my left eye that was lazy and still is a little lazy even today. I can not see any motion of any kind and have no depth perception or spacial awarene
ss. That is why sports are pretty much out of the question because if you can not see any motion you can not play sports with moving objects that are coming at you. they just bounce off of you and or fly past you so it is not worth tying to play them. although i tried very hard to play all sports and failed miserably at all of them except golf and bowling. That is also why I choose not to drive because I can not see the sings or tell where the other cars are in relation to my car.

Walking and ASD

As far as I can remember and what my parents have told me I did not do much walking till I was 3 and even then I tripped over my feet a lot of the time. Plus I would bump into stuff all the time. I always had bruises on me from all the stuff I would walk into. I got my first set of glasses at the age of 3 so it did help that I could see a bit better.

Talking and ASD

As far as I can remember and what my parents have told me I did not do much talking till i was 3 or more. I was a non verbal till then and even after I did not say much or use many words to say it. I just liked to observe people and did not want to talk to them. I did not see the point in it because I was getting everything I needed with out having to say much or at all.

Crawling and ASD

As far as I can remember and what my parents have told me I did not do much crawling till about 20 months of age and when I did crawl I would crawl like a crab. I would push my self off the ground by my feet and hands and then move them in a crab like movement. they said they were always amazed at how fast i could move doing crab like crawling.

Another praise for my blog


Remember when Aliza wanted to know what it felt like to have Fragile X?

It's so hard to understand sensory disorder and overstimulation and how it feels for our kids.   I wish every day that Zack could tell me why he screams.  I wish he could have told me last night how he felt when he bit his legs and arms.  I wish AJ could explain why he can't stay in group time at school, and why he gets up and runs off.  Bad behavior, according to the teachers.  I wonder, though.  Can he help it?  Is there something going on inside him, or in the classroom, that he just can't tolerate?

This week, a window opened up into the minds of people with Fragile X and autism.

His name is Jeremy Tolmie, and he has autism and Fragile X and has been posting and answering questions on the Facebook Fragile X page. His facebook page is at 

He also blogs, at

Living with autism and Fragile X

He was diagnosed with Aspergers as a teenager and recently received a Fragile X diagnosis as well.  He is high-functioning enough to describe to us how he sees, hears, feels, and experiences the world. How he deals with what bothers him.

He's right there on my autism hero list, alongside Temple Grandin and Carly Fleischmann. I read everything they write. I can't get enough. I don't know if it's any different, having the combo pack of Fragile X and autism together, but I'm eating up every word this guy has to say, too.

Here are some of the things he's posted:

"I have felt for a while now that I needed to tell people about me and what it is like because I keep reading about parents trying to understand and can not. But I know exactly what is going on with their kids and just want to let them know about it."

"I never let people know that I can do something till I have to do it in front of them. I learned to read when I was 5 but could not read out loud for fear of making a mistake in the pronunciation of the words even though I could read them. I was never called that but I was never called anything other then a teachers best student because i did not ask for any help ever. the first thing I got good at writing was my name also."

I see this in my boys; sometimes I catch them doing or saying something I didn't know they could do or say, and when I comment on it, they act embarrassed. When they do something right and we praise them, sometimes they burst into tears. Having lots of attention thrust upon them is very stress-inducing. There's a fine line between praising them and stressing them out. It's taken me quite awhile to figure out how to stay balanced on that line.

"I struggled with potty training till I was 13 years old. I was good at home but struggled away from home especially at school. I did not like using public washrooms I did not know who else had used them and what they had done in them. I just could not get up the nerve to ask to go to the washroom at school and that had dire consequences"

Every little kid knows there's a link between how you deal with anxiety, and going to the bathroom. Not a kid exists who hasn't needed to go, in public, and been afraid they wouldn't get there in time. Almost everyone can relate to having to use the bathroom and being self conscious about everyone knowing.

Imagine that very normal anxiety in the body of someone who feels everything times 10. For every time you have had to go to the bathroom in public and been scared you would pee your pants, the Fragile X child feels it 10 times more often and 10 times more intensely.

"I really do not like to be tickled even if it feels good it feels to overwhelming and I make it stop if it goes on for more than a minute because it is too much stimulus for me to handle. I get a quick scare if I get touched and am not expecting it and will lash out at whoever touched me. I do not mean to do it it is just instinctual and can not be stopped. It is like what would you do if some one slapped you the common response is to slap back. You probably don;t even think about it you just do it it is the same with this."

This last one really made me think. It makes me think of Zack, and how aggressive he gets when people are too close to him. Lashing out when someone makes him physically uncomfortable is instinctual - he can't help doing it, it's an impulse, like the rage you feel if someone slaps you. You can't stop the anger; it rises in response to the unexpected stimuli.

I really wish the whole world could understand these things and be tolerant of people who can't control their bodies and impulsive behaviors as well as the rest of us can.

Monday, 15 October 2012

Handling different situations and ASD

You do learn how to better handle different situations the more times you have to go through them. I am multiple times better now then I used to be for having outbursts and walking away. It just takes time to learn the skills necessary to be able to handle them.

Blowing your nose and ASD

I was quite old when I started to blow my nose. Late teen years i think. I used to just rub it on my sleeves or snort it up again and swallow it. I always have phlegm stuck in my throat bugging the hell out of me. I have never got the hang of getting rid of the phlegm. I just keep trying to swallow it.

Irregular hart beat and ASD

I have a hart murmor that causes a very irregular hart beat. I can notice my hart stop beating for several seconds then start up again. and it is all over the place with the beats. I think that is why I can not do physical activity because my hart can not pump the blood in a way that gets the oxygen to the muscles fast enough.

Relationships, Kids, violence, and ASD

Well as for relationships I have had lots of friends over the years and I have even had several girl friends over the years so it is possible to have relationships. As for having kids of their own I would not recommend it because they will just pass this on to their kids. I was never really violent till I stated puberty and my teen years. I never realized if I was being violent or what it was doing to the people around me. 

Leg weakness and ASD

I started to get severe weakness in my legs, loss of stamina and decreased ability for fitness. Plus shortness of breath and really feeling weak after doing any amount of physical activity. this for me started by age 11 and as gotten progressively worse over the years. I used to be good at track and field 100 m and 400 m races but had to stop doing them by the time I was 12 because of how bad it h
ad gotten. i used to play lots of sports but now I can only play golf and bowling and even those are difficult for me especially the golf. I just don;t have the stamina to do more than 9 holes. The docs said it was exercised induced asthma but I do not think that is it at all. It all fits with the FXS and now I have to get those docs to see it that way too. I may have gotten the DX of FX but I still have a long way to go to get all the help that I need from it.

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Words of wisdom and FX

ever since I started communicating with all of you on these FX groups I have had profound insights and words of wisdom I almost think god is influencing my actions and got me to start wrighting my book then got me to join these groups then got me to tell my story to all of you. i think he wants me to help all of you understand what your children are going through.
as they say god never gives you any more then you can handle so I will be able to handle this and be the voice for your children that can not tell you what they are going through.

Understanding ASD

I really want people to know and try to understand what it is like for us people that have to live with autism.  Most people have no idea how hard it is and what it takes for us to do the most simplest tasks. If they could just know what we have to go through they would be more able to help us in our journey and try to make it easier for us to be able to be who we are.

The amazing FX groups

the FX groups are amazing and has helped me immensely and I am trying to repay the favour by helping all of you out as much as you all have helped me out so far.

List of Common Symptoms of FX

every one with a x is a match to me and the ones that don't could be but I don;t know. except for the female ones.

List of Common Symptoms

Here is a list of the common symptoms that may be experienced by those affected by Fragile X Syndrome. Intellectual disability of one degree or other is common to all affected individuals but other symptoms vary from person to person. Not everyone with Fragil
e X has the same signs and symptom or to the same degree. Affected females tend to suffer less from the symptoms present in males but may have their own particular issues.

Development Delays
Crawling x
Speech x
Sitting x
Walking x
Toilet Training x

Possible Physical Features
Chest with a “hollow” look x
A squint or “turn” in the eye x
Eyelids that tend to puffiness x
Elongated face – long forehead and jaw (more evident after puberty)
Flat feet (pes planus) x
High arched palate x
Hyper-extensible joints x
Large testicles (evident after puberty) x
Low muscle tone x
Prominent ears x
Single Palmar Crease – WIkipedia description x

Possible Behavioral Symptoms
Anxiety and shyness x
Attention deficit disorders and hyperactivity
Autism and autistic-like behavior * x
Chewing of Clothes
Concentration Difficulties x
Eye Contact difficulties x
Fixed interests in certain subjects x
Dislike of change in routine x
Hand biting and hand-flapping x
Hyperactivity and short attention span
Inability to control emotions x
Impulsivity x
Perseveration – repetition of the same actions or words x
Poor eye contact x
Disturbed sleep x
Tantrums or other emotional outbursts. x
* Autistic symptoms and autistic-like behaviors include many of the other symptoms listed above. x

Possible Medical Issues
Eyes – squint (strabismus ) x, long sightedness x and visual perceptual problems. x
Epilepsy (about one in four)
Ear Infections x
Joints subject to dislocation x
Mitral Valve Prolapse – Wikipedia description
Hyper sensitivity of the senses (sound, smell, touch) x for all

Possible Symptoms common to affected females
Shyness and Moodiness
Lack of social skills
Avoidance of social contact
Depression and anxiety.
Refusing to talk in certain situations (selective mutism).

Female Carriers
Unaffected by the symptoms above but may suffer from
Premature Menopause

Male Carriers
Older male carriers may suffer from
FXTAS – Fragile X-associated Tremor/Ataxia Syndrome

Saturday, 13 October 2012

My GPA from school and ASD

I was a 2.1 GPA student all through school and high school and did not even graduate from high school. I only completed grade 10 I drooped out in grade 11 because of all the problems with the meds that I was on. I never was on the honer roll or even on the honourable mention list.

Once i went to collage I became a 4.00 GPA and got on the Deans list and graduated with honers. 

I first went into
 a Employment and life skills vocational program for people with disabilities for 2 years and then went into the Computer Service Technician Diploma program for 1 year after that.

I got a 4.00 GPA and on the Deans list and graduated with honers from both of the programs that I did. So that says that when I do a course that I like and am good at I really can excel at it and ace it like no other can.

So if your kid is fairly high functioning but did not do well in school does not mean that collage is out of the question. you just have to find the right courses to take that will make them excel at them.

I wear a pin about Autism

i wear a pin on my jacket of a autism support puzzle pice and symbol A. I like people to know that I am autistic so that they can see the other side of it. Most people think of autism as being the classic aloof form and don;t realize how varied the disorder is. the same goes for FXS also but it will take time for people to even know what that is.

Shyness and ASD

I am really shy in person and in new situations and also get really frustrated when I am unable to do things as well as I would like to. I am way different online then in person in person I would never be able to do all this communicating. I would not be able to do this on the phone or Skype either only by email or text am I this out going.

Spotting a disabled person and ASD

I can spot a disabled person a mile away just by looking at them but maybe that is because I am disabled so I know what to look for. For most people if I don;t tell them that i am disabled they never know. and most of them when I do tell them that I have autism they don't believe me and I have not met anyone other then the people on the FX groups that know anything about FX so it has been pointles
s in telling people about that because they don;t have a clue what it is but they know what autism is. The only time that people have figured out that I am disabled is when I was working in retail and customers kept complaining about me to management about my behaviours and the way that I acted. My co workers would watch me work and they got suspicious about me and it was brought up at a staff meeting so I had to explain that I had autism and that was why I was the way I was. after that the staff had my back and would come in to help me if it looked like I could use it with helping customers. I have found it is better to tell your co workers and management about the disability so that they can help you succeed in the job.